Truth, Consequence, and everything else

Emotional. Well, not really because of the ‘leaving’ issue but, because you know. I just feel like my family doesn’t really want me here. I feel like somewhat like a disgrace to this family. Or a disappointment, rather. I’ve never really gave them a reason or anything to be proud of. And I’m feeling guilty about it. 

I miss sharing my heartaches to you, Miggy. I miss how quickly you’d react whenever someone makes me feel like I’m ‘inferior’. Most of all, I miss you. 

How wish I could still open up to you.

A little hope and a lot of love.

I don’t know if you’ll ever get to read this. But if you do, I hope you won’t take this ‘negatively’. I love you and there’s nothing much I can do now but to put how I feel in written words. So, here it is.

 

Dear You,

It’s been two weeks since ‘that night’ and I’m still trying to feel just fine without you. Actually, I’m trying to convince myself things are way better off this way. But just like any individual who’s trying to, it’s useless. Useless at the moment. Why? Because even after all the hurt, the doubts, the fears - there’s still a little hope left inside me. A little hope and still a lot of love.

I want to be selfish, I want you to want me the way I want you. I want you to love me more than I can do to you. But maybe when you know what you’re feeling is real love, you can’t insist the things you want. You can’t, because his happiness is way more important than yours. 

I still dream of spending my weekends with you. And that someday, I’d get to spend each day with you. No need for fancy dates or dresses or tuxedos or a bottle of Champagne. 

You may not believe this, but just being with you makes it all worthwhile.

The future would always look exciting whenever I imagine you’re in it. You and I, together.

But this is reality. Things can’t go right for us as for now, and I don’t know why. And this might be a little hard, but I guess I have to face the fact you’re not coming back. I hope that it’s only the timing that’s not right.

As for now, I’m hoping for the best for you. For me. And who knows, someday, for the both of us.

I love you.

Love,

Nyche

Unrequited love.

It seems likely that some people have managed it when it comes to love; some I know ended up with their high school sweetheart, some who effortlessly ‘got it right’ on the first try. Happily Ever After is indeed, ‘on their side’. Some of us would probably kill for the kind of love we have all been dreaming of - that so-called ‘Happily Ever After’.

Sounds magical, romantic, but believe me, they are the ones missing out. Sometimes I listen to them telling stories how the whole universe conspired to bring them to each other’s arms, how they felt on that night they first met, how he took her hand and everything just felt so perfect. It’s about how, no doubt, she was the right girl for him. How sparks flew and how they just couldn’t get off each other’s minds.

But these things are nothing – nothing, compared to the feeling of loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

It’s when you look at him while he does something – he could be eating his burger, or  checking out that latest comic book he’s been waiting for –  those moments  when you can’t help but realize that he’s perfect. It’s when you stop in the middle of a good movie and get fascinated even by his silhouette. It’s not about the hair or the type of shirt he’s wearing. But maybe it could be the subtle gestures of his hands and each expression of his face. You just can’t figure it out.

It’s when he does something completely silly yet you find him amusing.

It’s when he cancels plans with you to be with someone else or he chooses something or someone over you, yet you try to justify; some things are just way too important than to be with you. Perhaps, a day spent with you could wait. It can always wait.

 It’s when you spend your weekend night getting drunk alone and all you know is he’d still be the first and last guy you’d run to when everything else fails.

 It’s when he doesn’t tell you the words you need to hear and you tell yourself maybe he believes that some things are better left unsaid.

It’s when you love him in silence, for they say, ‘there is no rejection in loving someone in silence.’

He doesn’t know how you couldn’t go a day without thinking of him. He doesn’t know how you can’t wait to tell him how well your day went.  He doesn’t know how you made your plans in the future with him in it. He doesn’t know how hard you wish on him. He doesn’t know. Or he probably doesn’t care.

You let the agony, the obsession, consume you.

Because this unrequited love made you realize that love cannot be won like a teddy bear at the fair; cannot be stolen like a piece of jewelry from a celebrity’s mansion in the dead of the night. It doesn’t come easily like a Sunday morning. It’s not like how it is in the movies.

This unrequited love makes you humble and wiser. It makes you appreciate individuals like never before. It makes you hope for the best even when all the negativity in the world tries to drown you. It makes you believe the best in the person you love.

Continue loving this someone who doesn’t love you back.

Who knows, someday, this unrequited love would make all of your dreams come true. Maybe, just maybe, someday all the pain in waiting will be totally worth it.